you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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