just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
