just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
