carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
