u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
