I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
