You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
