You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
