I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
