careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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