Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
my liver is dry heaving
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
