I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
