we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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