Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
