I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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