four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
