I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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