He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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