My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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