Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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