Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
