he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize