Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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