She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
