"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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