Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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