Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize