If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
