Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Did I show you my penis last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
