if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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