i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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