If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
