its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize