I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
