You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
