Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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