After last night, I could never be a politician.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
