She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
