it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
