i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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