My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize