so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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