If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
