Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
