Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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