you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
