He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
