There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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