Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
