All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
