Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
