my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
