does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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