i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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