Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
