so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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