I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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