can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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