There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
