Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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