dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
