I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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