Me. At least after what I've been through.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
