Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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