You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
