the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
