Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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