I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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