I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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