I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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