i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sober January is a disaster.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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