We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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