Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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