Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
