i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
