i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
