I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
