It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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