Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
