I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
