Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
