Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
