i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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