So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize