i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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