i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
