Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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