I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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