I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize