I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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